Yourself or Someone Like You
by berrywarbler
Summary: After a freak accident, Rachel and Blaine wake up in a hospital-and in each others bodies. bodyswap


**a/n: **written for a prompt on the blainchelraine prompt post on lj

* * *

Something wasn't right.

He could tell even before he attempted to open his eyes, before he heard the strange noises whirring around the room, before he heard Kurt's voice in the distance begging him to wake up. He didn't _feel _right, and not in the normal ways. He wasn't sick to his stomach, he didn't have a headache; he just wasn't _him_.

He didn't really know what to make of it.

He was lost in the haze of darkness that often occurs when one is awoken during a deep slumber, where things start to come into sharpness but you still can't react to them, almost paralyzed from moving, but from what he was overhearing he didn't know if he even wanted to fully regain control of himself. He could hear Kurt's distressed cries, machines that sounded suspiciously like heart monitors, could hear Finn muttering to himself, but none of it seemed to be in the right place. It was almost like the weight, heavy near his foot, was Finn and not Kurt, if he could judge accurately by the distance in which they sounded.

Blaine tried to figure out what he last remembered, before ending up in what he assumed was a hospital bed, though he was too nervous to open his eyes to check for sure. The last time he'd been in a hospital-it wasn't something he wanted to relive, and he only hoped that he had avoided something as tragic as that once more.

He could remember driving home from Manhattan, where Rachel had demanded the four of them go for New Year's Eve even though she and Kurt, at the very least, were headed for in only 8 months. He remembered stopping at a restaurant somewhere an hour or so away from home, laughing as Finn attempted to throw fries across the table at Kurt, how happy he had been as he and Rachel went outside to get the car.

"I think he's waking up," Kurt said, breaking Blaine's concentration and even as he tried to go back in time to remember what had happened that ended up winding him in the hospital, Finn answered with 'Rachel too.'

He could hear her laughter, remembered saying something about racing, and it was almost like his stomach dropped as he realized what must have been happened. December had been cruel with its endless snow storms, January sure to be faring no better and he could only recall Rachel's scream as she slid on a patch of black ice hidden in the darkness of the parking lot, sure that he had done the same.

It must have been quite a fall, he reckoned, to have knocked him out for however long he had been unconscious, and he was worried that both he and Rachel had been seriously hurt by a stupid act of spontaneity he had decided upon, but all of that seemed to evaporate within seconds as he heard Kurt exclaim about Blaine opening his eyes, heard his own voice croak "Kurt?"

His own eyes flew open, turned in the direction of the sound only to see himself staring at him, fear and panic written all over his face as Kurt rushed out of the room to get a doctor as Finn wrapped himself around Blaine, who was rapidly realizing that the reason he didn't feel like himself was because he wasn't.

He was somehow, someway, inside of Rachel Berry's body.

The information is almost too much to handle as he glanced down at hands far too small to belong to him, at brunette hair that's covering his shoulders-her shoulders, technically, but he's the brain and soul inside of the body now, isn't he? Questions of how and why and _what _run through his mind at a rapid face, but with everyone in the room he can't figure out a way to ask them. He can't very well tell Finn to stop holding onto his hand while Finn looks so happy he might cry, tell Kurt that he's kissing the wrong forehead as Rachel looks as if she's a second away from tears at any point in time.

He needed to discuss it with Rachel, first, once everyone left.

Of course he was instead stuck dealing with doctors asking him how he felt, asking him about his medical history-which of course he couldn't provide, seeing as he was stuck in Rachel's body and not his own, and Rachel seemed to struggle just as much when they questioned her on Blaine's. All four of their parents piled into the room, his mom cooing over Rachel while his dad stood by in silence, looking grim and worried while Rachel's dads fussed with him, adjusting blankets and asking if he was cold. It was unsettling, not knowing how to act or what to say, but Kurt was his savior, assuming that they'd been shaken up and it was with this that Hiram and Leroy seemed to think their precious daughter needed her beauty sleep, kissing his forehead before they left in an act of tenderness he knew his parents wouldn't supply for Rachel who would surely need it.

She waited until the room was completely emptied before lunging across the room, grabbing Blaine's face-her own features staring up at her as his stared at him, and it was unsettling to see tears forming in the corner of his own eyes as she started really panicking. "What happened?" she whispered, voice small and quiet and broken and Blaine had no idea what to tell her.

"We slipped, like the doctors said," Blaine shrugged. "I don't-I don't know what's going on any more than you do, Rach."

"What are we going to do?" she asked, wrapping her arms around her legs and leaning her head against her knees. It was weird, that he could so easily classify it as 'her' when it was clearly the body he had been used to thinking of his own for the past 17 years, but her actions screamed 'Rachel Berry' and not 'Blaine Anderson'-something that, if this was to be more than a few hours type of thing, more than some sort of drugged out dream, which he was still hoping for, he would have to somehow smother out of her.

"We can wait, see how long it lasts-maybe, hopefully this is some sort of weird, fucked up dream from the drugs they gave us-"

"I didn't even think we fell that hard," she whimpered, and he rubbed her back as gently as he could, the action seemingly insane as he watched the hand he associated with her rub his own body, but it seemed to relax her enough for her to breathe again. "We need to figure out a plan, Blaine."

"We can wait," he replied quietly. "We don't know how long this will last-"

"And if they come in before we get a chance to formulate? Separate us and exile us to our houses, which aren't even _ours_? I'm going to have to learn how to deal with your parents, and you'll have to learn to deal with mine, and we may have a few days of leeway from disorientation but there's only so long that we can use that as an excuse before they start questioning why we're acting differently." He nodded, understanding her point but it didn't make anything any easier, only seemed to amplify just how screwed they were and he hung his head in his hands, chestnut locks closing in on him almost like a shield, the sensation just another that he wasn't used to.

He wondered if he'd reach a point where he would be used to things like this. Things that were distinctively female-because Rachel was 100% female, from her sun dresses and short skirts to her long hair, from her natural make up that she'd shown him how to apply during their stint in _West Side Story_ to her freshly painted fingernails and her voice. Her stature, how small she was and how small he _felt_; he wasn't a big guy by any means but even he felt bigger inside his own body than he did trapped in hers.

"We have to be prepared," she whispered, though she didn't sound as convinced as she probably had wanted to. He suddenly wished it was her voice telling him these things, her soft melodic tone that she used to comfort that he was used to, but he wouldn't hear it unless he said a word. He wouldn't get to hear her sing unless he put forth the effort, and even then it wouldn't be the same.

"We need a game plan," he realized, because her voice-he was going to have to somehow master how she sang, more than anything else. It was the most important aspect of her, the thing that would win them Regionals in the coming months and Nationals after that, what she needed to get into NYADA and her future. "We need to figure out a day by day, week by week-"

"Month by month," she said mournfully, hiding her head in her lap and letting out a small cry of distress. "We need to be prepared for anything and everything, Blaine and you're-oh my god, you're only a junior and if this doesn't sort itself out by graduation I'll be-"

"We'll figure it out," he promised, eyes wide as he moved forward to wrap arms around her, and he mistook how much effort he'd have to put forth and almost toppled her over in surprise, but she seemed to regain control before allowing him to hold her, turning and resting her head on his shoulder.

"How? Blaine, we're friends but you don't-there's so much you don't know." Her words stung a bit, but as he thought about all that she didn't know-Cooper, his friendship with Sebastian, his family life and his past, his future-he realized he couldn't blame her, and that he probably had a better shot at being her than she did at being him.

"Well then," he said with a heavy sigh, "I guess it's time to spill all our dirty little secrets."

She let out a small groan, curling up even tighter on herself and refusing to speak, and he wondered what was possibly so bad that she didn't want to share it with him. "For one," she started, "I'm a vegan-I know you know this, but it's something you have to keep in mind. My body isn't going to react well to anything you're used to eating, if you attempt to. Finn made the mistake of making me pound cake once, and I was nearly sick for three days."

He made a grimace, but nodded in acceptance. "In that case, you're going to have to somehow work past your morals against eating all that, because I do," he reminded her. "My mom-she doesn't work, or anything, tries to be a society girl and a stay at home mother, if you can call her that, and she cooks dinner every night. Steak, chicken, pork, fish-anything and everything." She blanched, but seemed to be listening. "Believe me when I say it's easier to just eat it and keep them happy than it would be to suddenly change all of your dietary desires for what will hopefully be a temporary situation."

"I'll figure out a way to deal with it," she agreed begrudgingly. "And your relationship with your parents?"

"it's," he paused, trying to figure out the right word. "Strained, I suppose, at best. My dad's distant, usually too busy with work. My mom isn't any better. They tend to like Cooper better," he admitted quietly, Rachel turning to look at him, questioning silently who Cooper was. "Which brings me to the next thing. I have an older brother, Cooper. He's-you know those really obnoxious credit rating commercials?"

"No," Rachel gasped, Blaine only nodding in response.

"He's my parents pride and joy. He's straight and charismatic and actually managed to achieve something other than switching schools every other year for the most cowardly reasons," Blaine continued.

"I'm sure it's not like that," she told him, taking his hand in her own, and it was a weird moment as they both stared at the fingers intertwining, how he was now attached to the smaller fingers and she to the slightly larger ones, the bright green polish on the end of _his _fingernails while her own were bare, palms slightly callous from spending his free time over Christmas break trying to learn how to play the guitar Cooper had bought for him.

"Regardless, you just-be polite, courteous, but they don't know anything more than they need to. They know of Kurt, have met him a few times, but they don't care-not like your dads. They don't want to know about your life." She gave him a sad look but nodded, seeming to take the information and store it away, something they were both going to have to do a lot.

"My dads are pretty much the opposite," she admitted sheepishly. "They're involved in almost every aspect of my life. We invite Finn over for dinner once a week so they can get to know him, though he's still slightly terrified of them. They're harmless, and they enjoy Finn well enough; though I've heard them say more than once that they think I deserve someone better, someone with similar goals to my own." She shook her head, clearing the thought away even as Blaine silently agreed. "They'll ask about glee, and school, and your friends-which, I suppose, the only person I ever talk to that you don't seem to spend a lot of time around is Quinn, and even that is touch and go most days."

"It does help that we have the same group of friends," he said quietly, though he knew that it wasn't entirely true, that he had friends she didn't and vice versa. "Except for Sebastian."

"Sebastian?" she asked, furrowing her brow and Blaine had a feeling he never would get used to seeing her expressions cross his own face, but he pushed past that and nodded.

"We're sort of friends," Blaine shrugged, over exaggerating the movement with the lack of as much body as he was used to. "I know he wants something more, but he's actually-he's toned it down, a lot, since I made it clear that I wasn't going to leave Kurt any time soon."

"As long as he doesn't spring phone sex on me," she shuddered, Blaine letting out a small laugh and shaking his head.

"No, that's not something you should have to deal with."

"From Sebastian, at least," she said, chewing harshly on her lip and he didn't think twice before pulling it out of between her teeth, shaking his head.

"I don't bite my lip," he reminded her, and she let out some sort of nervous whine.

"I'm going to do so bad at this," she cried, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"You're not," he promised. "Just think of it like a play we're in. You're playing a role," he explained, keeping out that he was used to doing that in his everyday life anyways. . "It's going to be a challenge, but the Rachel Berry I know is always up for one."

"The Rachel Berry you know is loud and obnoxious and relies on her voice to get her what she wants," she pouted, Blaine shaking his head in disagreement.

"The Rachel Berry I know is determined and creative and a perfectionist, who won't rest until she has her part down. You could have pulled off playing every role in _West Side Story _by the time we got to opening night if we needed it, you threw yourself into Maria so much that you _were _her. Now you just have to be…well, me."

She laughed quietly with a small, "it's that simple, huh?" to which he could only nod.

"We have the benefit of being around each other all the time already, Rach. And we can text or call whenever one of us is in a panic, and if we're around each other more, no one will think too much of it." If he could have just one small beacon of light from this situation, it would be that it was Rachel's body he was trapped inside of, Rachel who was already one of his best friends, one of the ones he spent most of his time with.

"We're going to have to pretend to date Finn and Kurt," she said with wide eyes, the thought seeming to just hit her for the first time. "Blaine, I know I joked before about being Kurt's boyfriend-but I don't actually want to be Kurt's boyfriend!"

"I know, Rach," Blaine told her, trying to comfort her again, and normally his response would be to pull her into his lap, to hold her until she was breathing again-but now she was bigger than he was, and he didn't think it would have the same effect on her anyways, so he had to settle for giving her a hug, something she seemed to cling onto as she worked herself into a frenzy for a few moments. It took her a bit longer to calm down from this specific anxiety attack, but after a few minutes her breathing evened out again and Blaine let go of her, a small appreciative whine leaving her throat as she gripped onto his hand tight.

"This may be the wrong time to ask," she finally spoke, "but is he going to want to, you know…" she trailed off, looking at Blaine helplessly until he understood.

He grimaced with a small nod, not even bothering to question if it was something Finn would want as well-they were teenage boys, and Blaine had heard more than enough about Finn and Rachel's relationship to know that it was something that happened more than Blaine was going to want it to. "I don't know if I can-oh my god, I don't even know _how _to-"

"It's not like I have any idea what I'll be doing either, Rachel," he pointed out, and she could only nod in response to that.

"Well," she said, glancing at the clock between the two hospital beds. "No one should be around until probably 7am, and it's only 11pm now-we have 8 hours, Blaine Anderson. 8 hours to make sure we have everything down before we have to put on the single hardest performances of our lives."

"We're not going to get any sleep tonight, are we?" he asked with a groan, Rachel shaking her head.

"Not when I have to teach you to be me, and you have to teach me how to be you," she said, the words just as complicated as they sounded. "Even with these basics that we're sharing-there's so much more we have to learn, and in a very short amount of time."

"Let's get to work then," Blaine sighed, giving in because he knew it was easier, only hoping that maybe this would just be some bizarre event that hadn't really happened in a day or two, that they could laugh with their own voices and look at each other and not see themselves, but for the moment, he could see why she wanted to make sure they were prepared for the worst.

-:-

Rachel did not like being inside Blaine's body.

It wasn't that there was someone else's she'd prefer to be in, aside from her own, but more the fact that she had spent her whole life so adamantly attempting to figure out who she was and be herself that the idea of being someone else, even for a temporary span of time, when not for applause and recognition-it was terrifying and draining all at once.

Blaine had walked her through the basics, detailed as much of his and Kurt's relationship as he could so she wouldn't make some simple mistake that Kurt would pick up on, and she did the same for him even though she doubted Finn would notice if Blaine did mess up. It was a saddening thought, but the least of her worries as the Andersons came to bring her back to their home, her own fathers arriving shortly thereafter to whisk Blaine away, neither set of parents realizing they were taking the wrong child with them. His parents didn't talk much on the drive to Blaine's house, NPR playing quietly on the radio as they discussed current events quietly, the ride so unlike the one she'd be having if she was in her own body as her fathers would be filling her in on what happened, asking her about her trip to Manhattan and doting on her to make sure she was okay.

Blaine's family dynamic was the complete opposite of her own, and she'd just have to suffer through.

She wasn't entirely convinced they weren't in some sort of dream world as it was, perhaps they were stuck in some sort of coma and they had to fight their way out or maybe it was even more drastic, and they were actually dead but unable to cope and so they were forced to walk among the living in a pseudo world wearing the others body until they could admit it to herself. She sent up a silent prayer to anyone that was listening, accepting the worst if only they got her out of this situation, but let out a deep sigh of regret and longing when she could hear about the President on the radio, Mr. Anderson making some sort of snide comment quietly under his breath as they pulled onto their street.

"Do you want anything to eat?" his mother asked, but she shook her head, claiming a headache so she could disappear to his room, and she was grateful for the extra rehearsals she had demanded during _West Side Story _as she headed up the stairs and to the proper room without looking like an idiot, promptly crashing on his bed and wishing against all hope that when she woke up, she'd be in her own body.

It was a lost cause, she realized when she woke up at nearly four in the morning, too alert to go back to sleep, seeing Blaine's room around her, but suddenly that wasn't the most important issue at hand.

She had heard, how sometimes boys woke up with erections, but that hadn't crossed her mind in the previous 36 hours she'd been stuck in Blaine's body. Touching Kurt in that way had seemed downright terrifying, but touching _Blaine _like that-or at least, his physical body-it was causing her to panic, and she could only try to will it away, fumbling for her phone to call Blaine and ask him how he dealt with this.

"Rach?" he mumbled, her own voice sounding over the phone, laced in sleep and exhaustion and she felt bad for approximately four seconds before she remembered the problem at hand.

"Make it stop," she hissed, hoping he would understand without her having to verbalize the problem at hand, but he didn't seem to get what she was going with as he responded with 'told you, don't know how, sleeping.' She huffed impatiently, and surely her aversion to _not _touching him would have made him soft by now, but it was almost like it was taunting her, the pressure low in her stomach and if she glanced under the covers, she was sure she'd see the tenting inside the sweats she had thrown off. "Not what I meant," she growled, and this seemed to wake him up slightly.

"What are you-" he mumbled, before recognition dawned on him and he let out an honest to goodness giggle, one that would have made Rachel strangle him had he not been stuck inside her body at the moment. "Oh my god, Rach, I'm so sorry, I didn't even think about-"

"Make it go away," she demanded, but he just let out another small laugh, only serving to infuriate her more.

"Don't get mad, Rachel, but-I mean, even if you can somehow _will _it away today, which I'm sure you probably could-it's only going to keep happening." She huffed in indignation, because this was not how she wanted to spend the rest of her winter break. "I mean, you can't honestly say you've never-"

"I've never had a penis before, so no, I can't say that I've woken up with an erection," she seethed, but Blaine only laughed harder, causing Rachel to start debating the merits of hanging up on him. "Now, if you're talking about giving a-"

"Hand job," Blaine supplied, and she nodded even though he couldn't see her.

"Yes, well, I've done that with Finn a few times, but I've never thought about doing that to _you_, and Blaine-I may be trapped inside of you, but this is still your body."

"And it's going to suck, a lot, if you don't do what it wants."

"What if the tides were turned right now, Anderson?" she questioned, "what if it was you who woke up like this and didn't know what to do?"

"I'm going to find out eventually, aren't I?" he sighed, seeming to understand her pain just as she realized that this would, undoubtedly, become a problem for him eventually. The image of Blaine having to touch her wasn't one that helped her problem, especially when it wasn't herself she saw touching her, it was Blaine inside of his own body, and that didn't seem to help keep the demons at bay as she let out a small whine.

"Make it stop, please," she cried, because the last thing she wanted to do was give in, to touch him in that way just because she was trapped inside of his body.

"I don't really think I can," he said apologetically. "Cold showers might work, but not for long." He went silent for a minute, Rachel trying to think of the least sexy things she could, but now that the door had been opened, it wouldn't close, and thoughts that she usually kept under lock and key except during extreme moments of weakness taunted the forefront of her mind; Blaine kissing her, touching her intimately, his mouth working across her body-these were things she didn't admit to anyone she'd thought about, on more than one occasion, and now she was given the opportunity to make her fantasies even more vivid and she didn't want to take it.

"I hate this," she muttered, kicking the covers off of her and facing down her worst nightmare. "I don't want to do this."

"I don't really want you to have to," Blaine offered, "but-look, we woke up, and we're still not in our own bodies. So clearly we just have to adapt and that means adapting to everything-even masturbating."

"How can you be so calm about this?" she asked him, her mind not really on the conversation as her hand rested on her stomach, the abs underneath her palm firm as she slid it slowly downwards, gulping shakily.

"Because it's an inevitability, Rach," he answered, a small nod from her end the only response she could give, even if he couldn't see it. "I probably don't want to have to touch you in ways you wouldn't want me to any more than you want to do to me, but what else are we supposed to do?" She half-listened to his words, her fingers grazing just under the waist of the sweats she had thrown on, chewing hard on her lip as he continued. "Physically, our bodies seem pretty intact. Nothing out of the normal. It's just our-I don't know, our minds? Souls? Something like that? That seem to have switched."

"You're sure it's okay?" she asked quietly, Blaine chuckling as he answered with 'yes'. That seemed to give her the permission she needed, taking a deep breath and sinking her hand down further, grabbing him firmly at the base of his dick, and she let out a small gasp of surprise.

"Wait," he said at the noise she hadn't meant to make aloud, "are you-are you _right now_?"

"Sorry!" she squealed, retracting her hand immediately. "Boundaries, oh my god, I just crossed so many lines and I don't know how to stop but Blaine it's starting to _hurt _and why didn't you tell me it could do that and-"

"Rachel!" he said, his voice louder than a whisper but still quiet enough so that her fathers wouldn't be alarmed by her voice calling out her own name. "It's fine, you have to-I mean, I didn't expect you to do it while I was on the phone but-"

"Sorry," she apologized again.

"Well, if I can give you some advice?" he offered, Rachel sighing because only Blaine could be this calm about the chain of events. "You're not going to want a dry hand."

"Finn told me that, once," she said quietly, Blaine chuckling a little from his side.

"I'm sure he did. In the nightstand, there's lube-which, I know you don't want to know about, but it feels better than lotion-and tissues, for, you know-"

"Oh god," she interrupted, but began rummaging regardless.

"Just trying to help," Blaine said quietly in a teasing tone, one she would have mocked him for had it not been _her _voice saying the words towards her.

She located the items in the nightstand, pulling them out and grimacing as she muttered "I still don't want to have sex with Kurt," under her breath, Blaine laughing easily and promising her they'd figure out a way around that as she tucked the phone between her ear and her shoulder, squeezing more lube than was probably necessary across her hand, but it felt safe to have it covering her, almost as if she wasn't actually touching him if any of her skin couldn't touch him naturally.

"So I just-"

"It's just like a hand job, Rach," Blaine explained, "except…well, on yourself."

"And since I've given so many of them, you can see why I am definitely _not panicking about this_," she hissed, but allowed her hand to reach out and grasp her-his, she didn't even know whose it was anymore-dick, the cold lubricant almost startling her and causing her to stop, but she just focused on the task at hand.

"It's simple, Rach, up and down, a few twists of the wrist," Blaine was saying, and she was vaguely aware that he was probably dictating what he liked to feel on his body, the quickest way to get her out of this experience, but soon she found a pace that had his hips moving up to meet her hand, her thumb swiping over the tip and spreading the pre-cum that had started to appear over the rest of him, eliciting a gasp in response that seemed to shut Blaine's rant up quickly. "How's it going over there?" he finally asked after a minute, but she couldn't bring herself to do much more than nod in response.

"G-good," she answered, her breath hitched and Blaine fell quiet at that, letting her concentrate on reaching an orgasm as quickly as possible. The phone fell to the bed, but she didn't seem to think he'd care too much, and she wondered if he was getting turned on thinking about _her_ doing this to him, if he was sitting in her bed trying to figure out how to get her body to respond to him at the same time, and that pushed her over the edge, her teeth clenching hard on his lip as she fought off a cry as she came over her fist, her breathing heavy as she reached for a tissue to clean herself up enough to grab the phone once more.

"Having fun?" he asked once she sheepishly announced that she was done, and she rolled her eyes while pulling up the sweats and headed for this bathroom, pleased he had one of his own.

"Oh, it's a blast," she replied sarcastically, sighing as she caught her reflection in the mirror. "Thank you, though, for not-"

"Freaking out over a little one-sided phone sex? Not a problem Rach. Go shower and sleep some more. This is just the tip of the iceberg," he reminded her, and she nodded, rubbing a hand over his face before groaning in disgust when she remembered where it had just been.

"You too. Night Blaine," she whispered, hanging up as soon as he returned the sentiment.

She turned on the shower and stripped out of her clothes, sighing heavily as she thought about how the weirdest chapter of her life was only just beginning.

-:-

A week passed and still, every day, Blaine woke up in Rachel's pastel colored room, wearing her most comfortable pajamas with her hair curling from his lack of knowing how to really care for it like she had. They'd spent nearly three days together, going over hygiene routines and teaching each other just all the things they never wanted to know about another person. After Rachel's surprise that first morning, she had demanded he not keep anything else from her, and while she didn't seem inclined to speak of the incident, Blaine would have been lying if he didn't say he wasn't intrigued by it.

He didn't even know how to classify it in his mind, really. There was a small part of him that said it was practically cheating, but it was _his _body that had been doing all the work, just with Rachel's brain attached to it. Really, he knew they had grander things to worry about than a small masturbation incident, like the fact that school was starting again and everyone would surely expect Rachel to perform a solo during their first rehearsal.

Blaine didn't think he was up for that.

He hadn't yet mastered how she somehow hit any note known to mankind, the voice that everyone was so used to winning them everything they wanted not nearly as astounding when attached to him, and he knew it frustrated her to not have her own voice to sing with. "Don't get me wrong," she had told him one afternoon while teaching him how to curl her eyelashes properly, "you have a beautiful voice, Blaine, but-"

"It's not yours," he had answered her, a sad smile toying at her lips as she nodded in response.

"Certain things you grow accustomed to."

He had to agree with her, missing the simple things like eating a steak dinner in silence as he was suddenly forced to eat things he never really had the desire to eat, talking about his day with Blaine-and every time he had to say his own name out loud to someone else, it was a swift reminder of how messed up his life currently was.

He had suggested that they tell Kurt and Finn, at the very least, when the two brothers asked if they could spend time with their significant others, but Rachel had shot him down quickly and forcefully. "They'll never believe us, and I can't afford to have my plans derailed while we're sent to mental institutions for something that is clearly bigger than any medication can fix."

That didn't stop him from wanting to tell them, if only so Finn wouldn't attempt getting him alone for what was sure to be a disastrous attempt at making out, at the very least. He wondered when he became more comfortable with the idea of Rachel knowing about his sex life and doing things with her-granted, they hadn't been together when it happened, but listening to someone get off even when it was your own body and voice over the phone was pretty damn intimate, if he said so himself-but not with Finn. It wasn't that he was worried Rachel would be hurt or upset if he did anything with Finn, and it wasn't even that he was in Rachel's body and had no idea how it would react to Finn, it was Finn himself. Blaine felt no attraction to him, his feelings never running deeper than a vague friendship that didn't go beyond its surface.

He ran out of luck the day they went back to school, Finn cornering him before first period, and he had to admit he was impressed Finn came by to say hello to Rachel before classes. "Now that we're back in school, you're going to stop being all weird, right?" he asked, Blaine internally rolling his eyes.

"Of course," he responded instead, "I told you, I just needed some time to recover completely from the trip to the hospital." It was exactly what Rachel had told him to say, word for word, and he was glad for it because Finn was looming ever closer and his instinct to panic and run was starting to take over as he slammed her locker shut, her physics book in hand as he squeaked out "Gotta go!" and nearly ran away from him.

Rachel caught him off guard when he ran around the corner, a stern look sent in his direction as Kurt jabbered away about their plans for the weekend, arms linked in a rare sign of affection they had allowed themselves. He felt a pang in his chest, to see them walk past with only a wave, because Rachel didn't get it. She clearly had the better half of the deal, at least she and Kurt were best friends when she was inside her own body, she knew how Kurt and Blaine's relationship worked, and even if Kurt wanted to do anything, it was rarely more than make out most days.

He was stuck with Finn, overly hormonal, and while Rachel had assured him that between her busy schedule and someone's parents almost always being around her and Finn rarely had a moment to actually have sex, he didn't trust that Finn wouldn't work the odds in his favor.

Blaine made it through her classes with relative ease-he may have been labeled as a junior, but classes at McKinley were much easier than those at Dalton and the curriculum wasn't too over his head, Rachel texting him in pure boredom from half of her own. Finn attempted texting him too, his attempts at being cute nearly nauseating and Blaine wondered how Rachel put up with it, what on earth charmed her so much, because he didn't see the appeal. Even _he_ could woo a girl better, he thought as he copied down notes during her AP American History class. Finn's attempts were almost laughable, but Blaine wasn't the one who had to deal with it forever.

"They want us to come over for dinner," Rachel announced as soon as she made her way to his locker, still having trouble remembering to walk like he did and less like she did, getting a few strange glances in her direction.

"Dinner shouldn't be too bad," he shrugged.

"Burt and Carole aren't going to be there," she explained, and Blaine could now see the problem.

"We'll just have to insist that we want to watch a movie or something," he responded, but she shook her head.

"You don't understand, Finn-when he cooks, we-"

"God, really Rachel?" Blaine interrupted with a small shudder, a smirk on her face at the action.

"He doesn't do it often, and I like to congratulate his efforts," she answered quietly, Blaine just shaking his head.

"Are you trying to train him? Is he Pavlov's dog now?" Blaine quipped, Rachel letting out a small laugh and he felt a twinge of remorse that it was his laugh and not her own, because he was finding that he missed it. "I don't think I can do that, Rach, I can't have sex with him."

"I wasn't asking you to!" Rachel argued, indignation in her tone. "I was just telling you that he'll probably expect it. And while we agreed that we'd avoid sex with them for as long as possible, you may not be able to avoid kissing him for much longer. We're a very affectionate couple-"

"I know," he interrupted dryly, though Rachel ignored him and carried on regardless.

"And after awhile, he may start to feel like he's done something and I'd like to preserve my relationship for when I can once more be inside of my own body."

"I don't see why," he muttered, Rachel stopping mid-step and crossing her arms over her chest, the look far less intimidating on his own form than it would have been in her own. "Rach, come on, I didn't mean-"

"Finn and I have been through hell and high water, Blaine Anderson, but we love each other and we're making it work and I won't have you disrespecting my life and my choices just because you're forced to live inside them right now!" she hissed, trying to keep her voice down so no one in neighboring classrooms would hear them. "I'm not saying anything about how weird it is that your family seems to wander by each other like ships in passing, never saying a word to one another. Or how your love life is as far from perfect as mine is-at least _I _didn't transfer schools and give up an incredible education just to be near Finn!"

"I didn't-"

"Yes, you did! You gave up Dalton for Kurt, because you couldn't stand to be away from him? But my relationship is the one you're mocking?" she huffed, storming off before he could argue with her, because he had to admit he saw her points, loud and clear, as well as so many others she had been courteous enough not to mention.

But he loved Kurt. He figured he had since he first met the boy, though it didn't register until months later, and Blaine always chided himself on being so blind that he hadn't seen the boy he was meant to be with right in front of him. And their problems were better left alone, because there wasn't anything that was going to change. It probably wasn't healthy, he realized, but it kept them more stable than Finn and Rachel's constant bickering or extreme levels of PDA that only served to nauseate most of the school.

She loved Finn, and he could see that she did, and so while it was everything he didn't want to do, he agreed to go to dinner, and if it was necessary to keep their relationship on track, he'd even let Finn drag him for alone time.

He waited a couple hours for her to cool down before texting an apology, one she returned almost immediately, and when she walked into the choir room after school and took her place next to Kurt, she shot him a smile that let him know everything was okay.

Kurt facilitated the plans for them, Blaine feeling uncomfortable with the boy he was used to seeing as his boyfriend only looking back at him as a friend and nothing more. He wondered if this was how Kurt felt, those few months before they got together in the previous winter, unable to profess his feelings for fear of rejection and Rachel caught his eye to shake her head 'no', letting him know that he was being too much of himself and not enough of her for it to be seen as normal.

That night, as the four of them moved around the Hudson-Hummel kitchen to help prepare a dinner, Rachel and Kurt laughing as they prepared the brunt of the meal while Blaine was stuck on desert and Finn heartily supplied everyone with beverages while he attempted to stay out of the way, it was even harder to remind himself he was being Rachel.

For one, it was weird to see how natural she was at being him, for the most part. She looked vaguely uncomfortable when Kurt's touches may have lingered a little too long, but he and Kurt had never been an overtly affectionate couple. Nowhere near as bad as Finn and Rachel, at least, and Finn was starting to look more and more concerned in his direction the longer he avoided doing the things he knew Rachel did on a near constant basis. But she managed to sing using his voice a lot better than he could with her own, her remarks almost exactly what he would have said as she moved around the kitchen, and all he could do was sit silently because he was still floundering when it came to being her.

It was easy in school, when she was still barely recognized by the general population. He'd answer questions in class that he knew she would know, but kept his head down to anyone that wasn't in the glee club. The irony was that they were the ones he wanted to hide from the most-even in their least pleasant moods towards her, they were starting to realize that something wasn't entirely normal with her. He had played it off with nerves of waiting to hear from NYADA; an excuse Rachel herself had approved of. Finn hadn't approached him about it yet, though he feared the moment he was so hoping to avoid was rapidly approaching.

They ate in relative peace, Blaine starting to get used to the vegan entrees Rachel's diet consisted of. It had only been a couple of weeks, he knew, but he still longed for the day he'd wake up in his true form and could rightfully devour an entire steak at this point without repercussion.

He really just longed to be sitting across the table and away from Finn's hand on his knee.

"Can we talk?" Finn asked as soon as they were clearing the dishes, Blaine nodding and keeping his sigh internal as they passed by Rachel and Kurt, Rachel's eyes sad and filled with a longing he could understand more than she knew, because he didn't want the boy he was heading up the stairs with, wanted the one down in the kitchen detailing an old story to Rachel as they cleaned.

He sat down on the edge of Finn's bed, smoothing down the skirt of the dress he had always appreciated on Rachel's small form while Finn moved next to him, too close for Blaine's comfort but he knew he was going to have to take one for the team-as much as he wasn't looking forward to making out with Finn, he supposed Rachel was looking forward to taking his place in his relationship with Kurt.

"Are we okay?" Finn asked quietly, brushing hair out of the eyes that he tried to use as Rachel, nodding slightly.

"It's just nerves about NYADA," he said, her voice soft and gentle as it fell out. "I'm sure as soon as I get my acceptance, I'll be more myself."

Finn hummed in response, his fingers tracing delicately around the shell of his ear, and Blaine could tell that he was only asking to make sure Rachel wouldn't go through some sort of break down before he moved in, and sure enough Finn closed the remaining gap he had allowed Blaine, his kiss hard and desperate and Blaine tried to let Rachel's body react to it as he thought she would. The problem was, his brain was controlling the show, and he tensed almost automatically at the intrusion of lips he wasn't used to pressed against him, Finn pulling away after a moment of no response from him.

"Rach, come on, we've barely even kissed since we got back from New York-are you sure you're not mad at me?" Finn asked, a wounded expression on his face, and Blaine steeled his nerves and shook his head before pulling Finn back to him, focusing on the physical aspects instead of the emotional ones. He was doing this for Rachel, because Rachel wanted her relationship to return to, and he owed her this for doing whatever she had to to keep his relationship with Kurt steady.

He shut down his brain, not letting it think as Finn's large hands traveled across the tan skin exposed underneath the dress he was wearing, just letting Rachel's body do as it wanted to. Finn pulled him further on the bed, grabbing ahold of one of her thighs so that her body was straddling his, Blaine trying to keep in mind that Finn was a teenage boy with an attractive girlfriend that he wanted to get off with, that he couldn't panic or he could completely ruin everything for both of them.

Her body seemed to react well enough, a small thrum of electricity running underneath her skin that allowed him to sink into the kisses, her hips rolling forward after a few minutes when his hand slid dangerously high up the inside of her thigh. He could do this, he thought, if he just closed his eyes and thought about Kurt, thought about how gorgeous his boyfriend looked with blown pupils and mouth red and swollen from too much kissing. He could think about how Kurt would slowly undress underneath him, the layers taking more time than Blaine would like but the end result more than worth it as they explored each other with curious hands and mouths, the soft whimpers Kurt could emit when Blaine sucked on just the right piece of skin or gripped him tight with just the right amount of pressure.

As his mind wandered, so did Finn's hands, sliding closer and closer to just where he wanted, Blaine gasping out in surprise as Finn pressed a finger to the cloth of Rachel's underwear, sure his eyes were wide as saucers as the sensation, but he'd done his best not to overstep his bounds while in her body. He knew what she was doing in his own, knew she was getting off at least once a day and he was okay with that, but he didn't know if she would be okay if he took the opportunity to do the same with her body, and so he hadn't. Anytime he'd become aroused, he'd simply thought about anything else until he was sufficiently distracted, pleased her body wasn't as stubborn as his own. But Finn seemed to have no qualms about going for what he wanted as one hand slipped a finger underneath the band of her underwear, sliding its way towards her clit while his other palmed at her breast, and Blaine had to remember that this was okay, that she allowed this and that he had to just work through this.

But as Finn pushed for more, thoughts of Kurt seemed to dissolve and Blaine couldn't usher them back, regardless of how much he tried. He was too aware now of hands on a female form, and while it was something he had briefly considered in the past, he had never gone as far to really question how Rachel may respond in a moment such as the one he was finding himself in. He could feel Finn, hard in his jeans and pressed against Rachel's thigh as they fell open for Finn's hands, but most of all he could feel the strength of her body's desire and how much it yearned for more.

Finn was trying, he knew, but it wasn't enough-his fingers weren't moving quickly enough, or pressing hard enough, and Blaine let out a groan of frustration, because this he could understand. It might have been on different anatomy, but it was still somehow connected to him and he could feel the frustration of a never-arriving orgasm bubble underneath the surface the longer they moved on, Finn now slowly grinding against him.

Blaine didn't think twice before retracting Finn's fingers from where they were located on Rachel's body, pushing him down on the bed and straddling him instead. Rutting was something Blaine knew, something he could do easily and get them both off without feeling like he was abusing her body too much, and while Finn looked surprised he didn't speak against it while Blaine started to move their hips together. He shut his eyes so he could try and picture Kurt beneath him, but instead he was surprised to see an image of him and Rachel, in a state of far more undress and in nearly the same position. Her body reacted pleasantly to the image, and as he saw himself-in his own body, for once-reach forward and pull her down so he could kiss her deeply, their tongues dueling as her hips pressed firmly against his own, Blaine felt himself come apart in Rachel's body, Finn letting out a low grunt that Blaine tried to ignore as he rode out his own orgasm.

"That was new," Finn chuckled when Blaine pulled himself off of him, straightening out the skirt of the dress and hoping that her hair wasn't completely destroyed-the last thing he needed was for Rachel to freak out about what had just happened, not when he was still trying to process it.

He couldn't really come up with anything to say to Finn's comment, but fortunately he started talking and Blaine could tune him out, knowing full well that there was no way Rachel would be listening to what he said for the moment. They had almost nothing in common, he mused silently to himself, and everything about him seemed far too large for her-except, of course, his personality which didn't seem large _enough_. But he had promised Rachel he'd make an effort for her, and if closing his eyes and picturing Kurt-or, evidentially, the girl in question herself-was what would get him through it, he would.

-:-

There was so much about being Blaine that Rachel was having trouble adjusting to. Waking up nearly every day to an erection that she had to give into, doing so as quickly as possible while trying to think as little as possible, was only the tip of the iceberg. It turned out Kurt was a bigger influence in his and Blaine's sex life than she had previously given thought to, cornering her nearly every time the two were spared a moment alone. It wasn't that kissing Kurt wasn't pleasant in a generic sort of way, only that she had never felt the desire to do such a thing, much less push further beyond boundaries she suddenly wanted to put back up.

She had distracted him enough in the first two weeks, but they were starting on their third now and she could give up hope of pretending that Blaine didn't know every inch of her as well as she knew of him now. She'd seen the way he looked slightly ashamed after their group meal, the two walking out to their cars in relative silence as she tried to remind him that it was fine, that they had both agreed to this. He hadn't said anything, just gotten into her car and drove towards her house and she had sped in the opposite direction, heading towards his.

She wanted to break down about everything, but Blaine's body seemed incapable of letting out the tears she'd normally shed over a situation as stressful as this. Instead she seemed to get angry, her fists often clenching and she had never felt the desire to cause violence so much before in her life, but his body seemed to want to tense and prepare for a fight she didn't know how to fight.

It all boiled over the night Kurt called her, complaining about how Rachel wasn't participating as much in glee lately, too self-involved once more to understand that they did need her and her voice to win Regionals, probably trying to make the club suffer for not paying her the attention she deemed she needed. She dug her nails into her thigh, not knowing how Blaine would respond to it. She would have assumed he defended her even moments before the almost cruel laughter fell from Kurt's mouth, but she always wouldn't have thought it was possible for Kurt to say these things about her.

He was supposed to be her best friend now, after everything they'd gone through, and he was supposed to be on her side. He was supposed to be concerned if he noticed she was acting weird, and he was supposed to express those concerns to Finn, perhaps, or Blaine if he thought Blaine could help in some fashion. He was supposed to comfort her when she seemed not herself, not mock her behind her back, and she barely got off the phone with Kurt before she grabbed a pillow and screamed into it, letting out the edge of her frustration but it wasn't enough.

She dialed her own number by instinct, pacing heavily as she waited for Blaine to pick up. "Rachel?" he finally breathes, in her own voice, something she still can't get used to.

"How often does Kurt talk about me behind my back?" she hissed, and she can hear the way his breathing stops if only for a minute.

"Rachel, I don't know what-"

"How often, Blaine?"

"I'm coming over," he told her before hanging up, and while it was nearing the middle of the night Rachel wasn't about to tell him 'no'. She needed to hear it from him, to hear that Kurt had honestly been saying these kinds of things all along while going along with the pretense of being her best friend, ask how she was supposed to portray his boyfriend and not want to burst into tears or throw a punch in his direction, and only Blaine could be the one to supply her with the answers she wanted.

He texted her so she could let him in, the two of them slipping into the basement quietly before she can shove him once they're in the furnished area. "Why didn't you tell me, Blaine?" she seethed as he stumbled backwards slightly, a look of sadness across her features as he tried to get her to calm down. "We said 'no more secrets', and 'your best friend secretly complains about you behind your back all the time!' is kind of a big one I would need to know!"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, but Rachel just huffed, her fists curled as she practically vibrated in anger. "I didn't know-I didn't want you to have to go through that, and I hoped that if I was you he wouldn't complain and, at least look at it this way? He's really complaining about me this time."

"_This _time," she hissed, cornering him against the wall but he stood tall, much more like herself than he normally appeared as he let her take out her frustrations. "This time he's complaining about you, but what about all those other times, Blaine? Is he doing this with everyone else? What about you? How often do you join in, the two of you laughing at how poor, delusional Rachel Berry thinks she actually has friends now only for them to hate her when she turns her back?"

"It's not like that, Rachel," he said quietly, grabbing her wrist and trying to unclench the fist still formed. "He doesn't hate you. And for your information, I'm always in your corner, backing you up." She didn't know if she believed him, but she wanted to, and so she let him hold onto her hand, her small fingers wrapping themselves tightly around his larger ones. "He doesn't think through what he's saying, and he vents and he complains, but he cares about you."

"He thinks I'm selfish, and a drama queen, and that I'm convinced I'm better than everyone else," she retorted, though the words had lost their bite and she knew if she was inside her own body she'd be on the floor in tears.

"You are," he said, and she was ignited with the desire to punch him once more before his grip on her wrist tightened. "You are better than the rest of them. They fight and they're catty and they talk about anyone and everyone behind their back. They lie and they cheat and they hurt each other, but you don't do that anymore Rachel. I know you have in the past, but you're-you're looking forward, beyond all this, and you try to be their friend now. And that makes you better than every single one of them. Even more than your incredible talent, than your dreams, it's your love for every single person in that group that makes you rise above the rest of them."

She stared at him as he spoke, her eyes watering slightly at his words and he gathered her in a hug, rubbing her back and while it was weird to be comforted by someone smaller than herself, she let him for a few minutes, trying not to think about how she was hugging her own body but more that it was Blaine, always, who was there to comfort her and pick her up when she was down. Finn tried to sooth away her broken pieces with kisses and physical affection, and Kurt did his best but inevitably turned it around on himself, but Blaine-he did what she needed the most, told her what she needed to hear and reminded her time and time again just who Rachel Berry really was.

"You have no idea how badly I want to cry," she laughed once they parted, the sound strangled and he had a playful smirk on his face as he nodded.

"I don't really cry a lot-hadn't, at least, until I became you. I tended to get angry-"

"With the strong desire to punch the nearest thing?" she questioned, though she didn't exactly feel relieved with his nod in return.

"That's why I took up boxing," he explained, folding her hands into a more suitable fist. "I could teach you, a little, so that when it does get to be too much and my body refuses to cooperate with your normal coping mechanisms, you can at least resort to mine."

She nodded, "Anything to make it better, please," she relented, and he just smiled as he led her into a room off the main basement that she hadn't thought to explore in her time residing in his house. It was small and relatively empty, a set of weights in the corner and a punching bag set up in the middle of the room, a few pairs of gloves littered around and it was obvious that this is where Blaine spent most of his time working out aggression if he wasn't at school.

He rummaged around in the one container in a corner of the room and pulled out some white tape, bringing it towards her and asking for her hands. She gave them to him willingly and he started telling her the basics that she'd need to know while he wound it around her hands, Rachel listening carefully to his advice. "You're probably more used to slapping people than punching them," he said with a small smirk, causing her to roll her eyes as he checked her hands to make sure they were wrapped tightly. "But if you listen to me you should be fine."

"Now," he said, sliding a pair of gloves over her hands while she looked at him expectantly, "you're going to want to make sure your thumb isn't tucked into your palm, obviously, because you could seriously injure it that way and I think I've been through enough hospital trips to last me a lifetime." She tried to protest, but he smiled to let her know he was kidding before he took a stance behind her, one hand snaking around her waist while the other traveled down her right arm. She fought off a large gulp at the action, fought off the strong desire to lean into him as he pulled her arm back by her wrist. "You don't really move with your arm, but more your stomach," he said, his breath tickling the back of her throat as the palm spread across her abs tapped them lightly, "and your shoulder," he continued, using his other hand to tap that body part as well.

"Stomach and shoulder," she repeated, focusing as best she could on his words so that she wouldn't put his body into harm. "Got it."

"Good," he said with a slight chuckle, one that she tried not to read too much into because even coming from her mouth she knew it was his one that said he knew so much more than she would have liked him to. "Now, draw your arm back," he said, and she focused on the punching bag in front of her, on the red and yellow duct tape littering the places where Blaine must have abused it the most, on her anger towards Kurt, towards everyone who had never stood up for her, for anyone who had said a bad word towards her. She reigned in all the anger she had ever had and threw her entire being into the punch, the bag swaying dangerously after she made contact until Blaine moved her out of the way, a "Whoa," falling from his lips.

"Sorry," she said quietly, though the exhilaration of hitting something was running through her bloodstream. "I may have gotten carried away."

"It was good," he promised, "and I don't really blame you, but let's try again, okay?" he asked, and she nodded, letting him position himself behind her once more and fixing her form, wedging a foot between the two of hers until her hips were even with her footing, shoulders squared back and he drew her arm back once more, whispering "Now," before she struck the bag once more. He let out a small laugh of triumph behind her, his hands still on her hips, and she wondering how weird he felt about the fact that he was grabbing his own body while her own was pressed against her.

It was enough to give her a headache.

They repeated the sequence for nearly an hour, both of them slightly out of breath and Rachel covered in a sheen of sweat by the time they were finished, but she felt so much more relaxed that she couldn't help but hug him tightly and thank him.

"Now maybe it'll be a little bit easier for you," he said quietly, and she nodded even if she didn't really agree as she walked him outside to her car. "And Rach? If he starts again, tell him to fuck off."

"I can't do that," she responded as he leaned against her car, Rachel doing the same as they looked up at his house. "I'll just have to figure out a way to adjust my previous opinions on our friendship, I suppose."

"You can," he argued, "because I do. I usually let him vent and then let him know-albeit gently, more often than not-that maybe the things he picks on you for are the traits he dislikes in himself. It usually shuts him up for awhile, and on the off chance it doesn't, I tell him to shut up because you're my friend and I don't want to talk badly about you behind your back."

"Thank you," she mouthed, unable to actually say the words, but he simply leaned up and kissed her on the cheek, the action throwing her off completely as he got into the car and drove away, Rachel left on her own to shower and dwell on how so much could have changed in only a few short hours.

-:-

She tried to reign in her pain and anger towards Kurt the next day at school, and it wasn't until Blaine accompanied her back to his house for another round against the punching bag that she was able to let out everything she was feeling. All the frustrations of not being able to go sleep in her own bed, of not being able to fall asleep after her usual nightly routine, how Blaine was trying his best but she now had split ends in her hair that she'd never had before, how Kurt had acted as if he hadn't spent a half hour dissecting everything wrong with her during lunch when he sat next to Blaine and talked to him.

"Easy there, killer," he chuckled after she managed to calm herself down, her hands sore and sweat ruining the styling she had to perfect to keep up Blaine's appearances.

"Sorry, I'm just a little frustrated," she sighed, falling to the floor and drinking half the bottle of water he had brought down to the basement for her, Blaine sitting beside her, a smirk playing on her lips as he tried to adjust the hem of the dress he had worn today. He rolled his eyes when he caught her glance, muttering about not saying a word, but she only leaned to rest her head on his shoulder, his hand resting on her knee as a sign of camaraderie.

"I know that this must make things harder for you," he said quietly, "finding out about Kurt's tendency to speak before he thinks-"

"Is that how you're defending it?" she shot off darkly, Blaine ignoring her interruption.

"But I appreciate it, you know. And you can explain away that you're doing this because I'm putting up with an over-sexed Finn who doesn't seem to know how to keep his hands to himself, but it's more than that."

"He's important to you," she shrugged. "And if you're going to keep what's important to me as stable as you can, I can only do the same in return."

"But it's making you unhappy," he pointed out, and she couldn't very well deny that statement. She'd always had doubts about their relationship, but she hadn't been one to talk and kept them silent, knowing that they were happy together. The fact that it seemed like Blaine gave up so much for Kurt bothered her, in the way that she had to often give up parts of herself to keep Kurt happy. Being his friend had been trying, at times, but being his boyfriend was more than she could have ever bargained for, and she constantly found herself biting her tongue to keep words Blaine would never say hidden away in the depths of her mind.

He was doing the same, and she knew it. He kept all any negativity he felt towards her relationship silent; surely seeing the massive flaws that she tried so hard to pretend weren't there now that he was a part of the relationship. He could see how little she and Finn truly had in common, how stupid it had been of her to agree to a relationship with a deadline, and while she was happy with Finn, she didn't think she was as upset as she should have been about the fact that Blaine was now the one in a relationship with him, despite outward appearances.

"Nothing about this is making me happy," she finally settled for, and Blaine let out a soft chuckle before pulling her close to him, the movement awkward as she lay her head in his lap but comfortable all the same, because it was Blaine and at the end of the day, he was all she had.

"You know," he said after a few minutes, "you could."

"Could what?" she questioned, so lost in her own thoughts that she wasn't sure what he was talking about, and she could see the way his breathing quickened lightly as if he was preparing to say something he wasn't really ready for, Rachel frowning as she stared up at him.

"Break up with him."

"Blaine!" she scolded, sitting up quickly and she watched as her brown eyes widened in surprise, watched as her teeth worried her own pink lip and for a second she thought she was looking into a mirror the expression was so similar to how she looked when she was upset, and she wondered when he had gotten as good as he had at playing her.

"Rachel, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to," he told her, and he looked so earnest that it threw her off but she shook her head, a sharp laugh escaping her.

"I think we passed that the moment I realized I was going to have to masturbate as you on a regular basis," she reminded him, Blaine just shaking his head.

"That's-I mean, neither of us were particularly looking forward to the sexual aspects of this, but they're kind of unavoidable and we both have had to do things we didn't want with that. I'm not exactly having the time of my life with Finn not knowing how to actually work female anatomy correctly, and I'm sure you're not having the time of yours with Kurt." She couldn't argue with him there, the sexual activities between her and Kurt had very nearly startled her out of her own skin-though not for the reasons he may have assumed, but for the pure fact that every time she had to slip a hand into his pajamas to take care of an erection that wouldn't disappear regardless of how much she begged it to, or anytime Kurt was on his knees in front of her with his lips wrapped around Blaine's cock, she couldn't help but think about it being _her _hand and her body there, or her mouth all shiny and wet and pink and brown eyes staring into his hazel ones.

But those were distressing in their own right, something that had nothing to do with the topic at hand and she couldn't let herself get distracted in a daydream about it when he was trying to allow her to do something that would ultimately hurt him. "I'm not going to break up with your boyfriend, Blaine," she replied wearily. "You love him."

"But you don't," he nudged, bumping his shoulder into hers. "And I don't want you going through more stress than is already necessary. You'll end up breaking something before too long," he tried to joke, but she could only let out a small sigh instead of a laugh. "It's going to suck, but while I'm you-I'll at least still have him. And if we wake up in our own bodies and I have a chance to fix it, I will."

"You love him," she repeated, and he just gave her a wry smile, one much heavier than she had expected.

"Right now, my main priority is you and me."

-:-

He had sat next to her as she called Kurt up, as she broke his boyfriends heart and explained that she just couldn't be with him right now, that she still loved and cared for him but he needed to focus on his future without worrying about Blaine. Blaine knew it was ridiculous to think that Kurt was even thinking about Blaine while he planned his eventual move to a city a thousand miles away, but it gave him enough of a leeway that should he wind up in his own body in the near future, he could attempt to win his boyfriend back.

Kurt had done a lot of accusing, bringing up Sebastian and even digging in as far as his previous dalliance with Rachel, something she had stalled at with wide eyes, but she said what he told her to say and by the end, he wasn't surprised that Kurt texted Rachel's phone and demanded her time for the heartbreak he was surely undergoing.

Blaine made sure Rachel would be okay, leaving her nearly passed out in his bed from emotional exhaustion before slipping over to the Hudson-Hummel house, glad for the excuse to run by Finn without having to perform any of Rachel's normal girlfriend-y duties. Finn had only pushed for more since the day Blaine gave in to what he wanted, and Blaine was learning that Finn didn't really know Rachel's body and what it wanted all that well. He'd had to take matters into his own hands, literally, and while he mentally apologized to Rachel every time, he was reassured that she was doing the same in his room and that gave him the freedom to treat her body as his own. It was frustrating, having to deal with Finn, because he knew how to get her body into a state of wanting and desire and if Blaine concentrated on just about anything that wasn't the actual boy in question, he could come _close _to getting off, but never managed it after the first attempt. But the more time he spent with Finn, alone, the more time Rachel's body seemed to want to become aroused at the most inconvenient of times, and so he'd learned quickly what her body liked and ignored the thoughts he used to get off whenever he could.

But he could avoid that, for now at least, and he slipped up the stairs towards Kurt's room only to find him in a daze, rushing around the room fixing things and moving items from one space to another. Blaine managed to catch him by the wrists, stopping him and the words "Blaine broke up with me," were whispered, Blaine swallowing his apology and simply letting Kurt crash on him, his body wrapped around Rachel's as he let out choked sobs.

In his decision to tell Rachel to end things with Kurt, he hadn't really thought about how Kurt might take it and how Blaine would have to endure seeing him in this state. But Rachel wasn't supposed to know that Kurt wasn't the best friend she thought he was, and had this happened two days ago and she still been in her own body, she would have been right there rubbing his back and whispering false promises of hope and questioning Blaine's sanity.

He ended up spending the night, the two curled up on Kurt's bed as Kurt let out all the pain Blaine had caused him, and he felt wrong in a way nothing else had in awhile that he had done this to him. He had broken his first real loves heart, and he realized that even if he was to wake up in his own body the next day, he'd never be able to win him back fully. Kurt would never be able to trust him again, to love him like he once had, and his own heart broke as Kurt slept on next to him.

When he left the next day, Kurt opting to skip out of school to lay at home and mourn, Blaine felt a dread wash over him. He had known that this switch was going to change them, perhaps even permanently, but he hadn't expected to lose his first love because of it, hadn't expected to lose so much of who he thought he was in the process. But that was exactly what was happening, and when Finn tried to kiss him before first period he burst into tears, Rachel's body's way of reacting to stress. He had never felt so embarrassed in his life, even if he wasn't himself Finn was looking at him with such concern it drove him to run away, darting through the halls to the nearest girls bathroom to have some sort of breakdown.

Rachel found him in there sometime during the second period of the day, not saying anything as she held onto him and let him continue to cry, her face grave with acceptance as she tried to comfort him. "I told you we didn't have to do this," she said quietly after awhile, and he just shook his head, because what was done was done and there was no turning back now. "I'm sorry," she whispered, and he only closed his eyes and tried to focus on what still lay ahead of them, tried not to dwell on the past.

"I can't talk about it, Rach," he pleaded, and she nodded, fingers running through the long hair that he was sure she wanted to belong to her once more.

"You could break up with Finn, if it makes things better for you," she offered, but he just let out a snort.

"It's not an eye for an eye, Rach," he told her, "and it would be really weird to the rest of them if we both broke up with our boyfriends in the same week." She hummed in agreement as she wound a finger around a lock of hair, a sad look across her face. "But I appreciate it. I'll figure out a way to get through this."

"You can come over and box it out, if you want," she offered kindly, managing to elicit a small laugh from him.

"I don't really want to put your body through all that, but thanks," he told her. "Besides, crying seems to be the most convenient way to let out all the frustration-well, one of the ways at least." She raised an eyebrow and he realized what he had said, but she didn't press him on it. "Sorry," he muttered, but she just shook her head.

"It's not like I can lie and say I haven't done it before, or that I haven't been doing it with your body," she reminded him, and he just nodded in acceptance.

"Do you think we'll ever get back to our own bodies?" he asked, and her laugh came out strangled and rough as she shook her head.

"I honestly don't know anymore," she told him, her fist wrapped tightly around the fabric of the shirt he had worn that day as if to control herself, and the flash of seeing his own hand on her body seemed to relax him in a way he hadn't been prepared for, in a way he hadn't expected.

He had been growing used to it though, how her presence calmed him in a way that Kurt's didn't anymore. It had been like that even before their accident, traveling back to _West Side Story _when they had confided in each other instead of their boyfriends about their insecurities, back to sitting in the backseat of the car on the way to New York and talking about how they could one day play Tony and Maria on a real stage, from the time over the summer when Kurt was busy planning his own senior year and Rachel had helped him figure out how to get his transfer going.

She was always there, really, even when he didn't expect her to be and for that he refused to fault her for the end of his relationship. He couldn't fault her for their predicament and he couldn't find it in him to fault her for having a boyfriend who didn't know how to care for her properly, because she didn't know any better. She'd spent her life ignored by almost everyone and the first person to give her any bit of attention with even a morsel of talent was Finn Hudson, and she'd latched on and didn't know how to let go.

Maybe that was their problem, he mused as they eventually got off the floor, Rachel helping him fix himself up before wandering back to his classes for him while he wandered to the auditorium, a place he knew she disappeared to herself from time to time when things got to be too much. Maybe they had somehow gotten involved in the wrong relationships that they'd find any excuse in the book to continue, if only it meant they wouldn't be alone for a little bit longer.

He was startled to find Finn pacing the stage as he entered the auditorium, but continued towards him hesitantly. "Finn?"

"Rachel," Finn breathed, looking almost relieved and Blaine couldn't find a way to answer him properly before Finn's mouth was attempting to devour Rachel's, Blaine pulling back after a minute from the pure inability to tolerate it any longer.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked once they parted, trying not to sound suspicious, but Finn led him to a stool he had dragged from off stage, asking him to sit down and Blaine did so begrudgingly, crossing his legs instinctively as Finn held onto Rachel's hands inside of his own.

"I was thinking," Finn started, and Blaine bit back the 'don't hurt yourself' as he sat quietly and let Finn explain on and on about how he had found out about his fathers' real death, how it hadn't been the brave fight Finn had once thought, how this had somehow changed everything for him. Blaine listened as sympathetically and impartially as he could, knowing Rachel would be much better suited for this conversation and having no idea how he was going to be her for this; so far they'd avoided serious topics of discussion, Finn never seeming to want to discuss Rachel's future with her and Blaine having no desire to bring up anything with Finn.

It wasn't until Finn brought it around to Rachel that Blaine started focusing intently once more, catching the tail end of his speech. "It made me think, you know, about how we have to hold on to what we've got and cherish it and all the special things in our life," he said, Blaine staring blankly that _this _is what it took for Finn to realize that Rachel was something special, something to be cherished. "And for me, that's you. You're my special thing, the thing I never want to let go of."

It was actually pretty sweet, and Blaine was going to force himself to say those words when Finn's next ones stopped him cold. "Rachel Berry, will you marry me?"

"What?" he shrieked, unable to help himself. He had no idea what to do, and short of telling Finn he had actually just let out what was clearly not a well thought out proposal on the wrong person, Blaine was cornered with no way out. Finn started to look taken aback at the reaction, clearly having expected her to scream 'yes' and jump into his arms, but Blaine refused. He wasn't going to allow her to mess up the rest of her life, especially not when he was the one living it. She was too young to even think about marriage, and for that reason alone he told Finn a simple and firm, "No."

"What do you mean, 'no'? Don't you love me?" Finn whined, and Blaine had to remind himself to nod an affirming 'yes' at the question as Finn worked himself up. "Don't you want to spend the rest of your life with me, Rachel? I know we said we'd see where we ended up at the end of the year, before you ran off to New York, but are you saying that's all you see us as?"

"I don't know," Blaine attempted desperately, because having a serious conversation about the state of a relationship Blaine tried to remove himself from as much as possible was not how he wanted to spend his time. "I just know that I'm too young to be thinking about marriage, especially when I haven't even gotten into college yet and have no idea where I'll even _be _in a year."

"But what does it matter as long as you're with me?" Finn tried, his eyes starting to get watery and Blaine couldn't believe that Finn would try this, try to make himself the most important person in her world.

"Because you're not everything to me, Finn," he said firmly, knowing that Rachel was going to be pissed off regardless at this point and throwing caution to the wind to say everything he felt she needed to say. "I have my future, and my career, and I can't go to New York with a husband or fiancée in tow and worry about them too. I need to be on my own, striking out and independent as I try to break into one of the single hardest businesses in the entire world."

"Strike out?" Finn demanded, Blaine nodding in response. "Alone. And independent. Without me."

"I didn't say without-"

"You did," Finn yelled, and Blaine could understand that he was hurt, but if this had actually been Rachel being proposed to, she would have been hurt more, to think that Finn thought so little of her she was merely a prize he had somehow won. That she shouldn't go off and figure herself out before being tied down to the boy who took an emotional crisis and turned it into a proposal. Finn didn't even wait for Blaine to come up with a suitable explanation as he yelled, "Fine, we're done," and stormed out of the auditorium, Blaine merely sighing heavily as he sunk to the stage, wondering how he was supposed to explain this to Rachel.

He didn't even have to wait to go find her and explain, her hand wrapped tightly around his wrist as she pulled him out of the hallway and into an empty classroom immediately after school, demanding to know why Finn had blown up at her for being a bad influence on herself.

"He did what?" Blaine hissed, slightly offended that Finn would even think Blaine would try and influence Rachel, though he knew if he thought he could get through to her he would.

"He said he _proposed _and you _rejected _him," she seethed back, and Blaine made her sit down so he could tell her the whole story, watching warily as she paced back and forth across the room, her fists clenched more often than not. She yelled, more than once, demanding he repeat exactly what he had said, and while he could tell on the surface she was pissed off at him, he could tell the flicker of his own eyes that said underneath, she was pleased to hear he thought that highly of her.

"Are you telling me you would have said 'yes' had you been in your own body, Rachel?" Blaine asked once he had finished with his tale and she still paced.

"Maybe!" she yelled, unable to keep her voice down.

"Well then it's a good thing you couldn't!" he retorted, her glare only so harsh coming from his own face. "I stopped you from making what would undoubtedly be one of the stupidest choices of your entire life, Rachel, and I'm not sorry I did it!"

"But it's supposed to be my choice to make!" she argued back, finger pointing in his face as she closed in on him. "Not yours! You should have said you'd think about it and come to me so I could make the decision. It wasn't yours to make!"

"Considering that I let you break up with my boyfriend about 18 hours ago, Rach, I think I can decide that you're not going to get married!" His words seemed to silence her, if only momentarily and he took the opportunity for what it was-a chance to speak his mind about the situation. "I'm sorry that it happened, Rachel, and I'm sorry that it blew up and out of proportion. I told you I wasn't going to actively break up with Finn, but I'm not going to let you get into something you wouldn't really want anyways. And how good could things be if the second you say 'no', Finn runs off and ends everything?"

She huffed impatiently, not wanting to hear what he had to say, but he knew she was listening to him anyways. He could tell by the way her shoulders slumped a little, less tense than they had been even a moment before, the way her fist unfurled and in the way that she refused to look at him.

"I know that you're pissed off at me right now," he said quietly, "and I don't blame you. But we're all we really have anymore, Rach. I can't exactly run off to Kurt any more than you can to Finn, and things may have gotten so out of hand that we've fucked them over for good. And that's on both of us, and whatever it is that caused us to be stuck in this weird situation in the first place." She continued to ignore him, staring out the window next to her but he grabbed one of her hands anyways, holding one between his two, and he could see her fight the urge to bite her lip, teeth scraping gently over lips as she continued to focus on anything that wasn't him. "So you can hate me for the moment, but please don't close up on me forever."

She made no attempt to answer him and he started out of the room when he heard her whisper a small "I can't hate you," the words small and broken and for now, he knew it was as good as he would get.

-:-

Glee was uncomfortable, at best, that afternoon. Blaine had sat next to her almost as an instinct, though they didn't speak and both received heated glares from the Hudson and Hummel pair seated on the opposite end of the room. Schuester went on and on about Regionals, a pang deep inside Rachel as she realized the competition was looming closer and she wondered if she'd get to have any solos in what was supposed to be her senior year. She didn't trust Blaine to give her voice justice, and so he'd willingly stayed in the background for her, and she had done the same for him. Santana had made a few comments here and there about their sudden step out of the spotlight, but Blaine had managed to snap at her in an effectively Rachel Berry-esque way.

He gave her all the space she thought she wanted, simply handing her her homework while she handed him his so that they wouldn't fall too far behind in their own curriculum if they switched back at any moment before he departed, looking small and defeated and it hurt her heart to know that he was in just as much pain as she was.

No one had won, at the end of the day. Kurt had lost his first boyfriend, the boy to make everything better, Finn had lost the girl he had tried to spend the rest of his life with. Rachel had lost what she had thought was her first real best friend and the first boy to acknowledge her talent and her beauty for all that it was, to fight for her and Blaine lost the boy he loved enough to change his life for.

She lasted exactly two days before she caved, using the key hidden underneath the mat on the back porch to let herself in and slip through her house undetected. She knew her dads would be gone, and she didn't exactly know why she hadn't just told Blaine she was coming over-she wanted to apologize in person, to thank him for what he had done for her because she could see now why he had done it. He was giving her her future when Finn was trying to trap her, and she didn't know of anyone else in her life who would do that.

Rachel paused just outside her bedroom door, her own voice sounding shrill and angry as she overheard Blaine talking on the phone. "I told you, Kurt, I just can't be around you right now!" Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again, for him, for her, for all of them as she hesitantly pushed open the door, Blaine spotting her immediately and ending his phone call as he sat up, the sweats he had found to wear an old pair of Finn's but she didn't say a word as she soundlessly made her way across the room to hug him.

"I'm sorry," she said, Blaine only pulling her closer until they were intertwined with one another, a mess of limbs and inseparable so that they couldn't tell where one began and one end, though that was hardly a new thing at this point. "I'm so, so sorry," she choked out, but he just shook his head, kissing her forehead in a way that made her yearn to be back inside her own body more than ever before.

"It'll be fine," he whispered in response, one hand clinging tightly to hers while the other traveled up and down her back to calm her down, Rachel babbling on about how she shouldn't have gotten upset, that he had saved her, that he was the only one who was there for her when no one else was and he didn't even have to be.

He tried to comfort her, tried to speak his own mind but somehow they fell asleep, foreheads pressed together and as close as was physically possible without being on top of one another, Rachel's hand pressed tightly against Blaine's back as she kept him to her even as she drifted off, muttering about how she loved him, how he was the best friend she'd never even known to ask for.

It was almost instantaneous, when she woke up, that she knew something wasn't right. Or more that it was right, but different from what she had been expecting. She could tell in the way her thigh was cramped, in that the palm of her hand was bunched around the fabric of a cardigan and not a teeshirt, the fact that she could feel her hair being tugged underneath her shoulder as she tried to make herself comfortable.

Her eyes flew open and as soon as she saw him, in his own body, Rachel practically screamed in relief. "Blaine!" she cried, pushing him until his own eyes opened, his hands moving to rub away the sleep before he paused, looking up at them as if he had never seen them before.

"Rachel?" he asked hesitantly, looking over at her and she could only smile, wide and open and he grabbed onto her waist and pulled her on top of him as they laughed, relief pouring through their veins as he grabbed her face and kissed her, lightly but enough to pause her for just a moment before he was rolling out from underneath her, stretching once more in his own body.

"How?" he asked, but she couldn't answer him anymore than she could have four weeks ago, too relieved to be back in her own body, and she ran her hands over her skin under the teeshirt he had dressed her in that afternoon, ran them through her hair and down her legs and Blaine just laughed in happiness, eventually pulling her from where she was standing on her bed and spinning her around the room.

"I never thought I'd be so happy to be in my own body," Rachel cried out, her arms wrapped around Blaine as he set her down, his laughter dying out slightly as he smoothed down her hair for her, though she didn't particularly want to let go of him. "It's going to be weird, re-adjusting," she said quietly, and he nodded.

"It's weird to actually look at _you_, and not myself," Blaine agreed, his voice quiet and she nodded, agreeing as she took in the hazel eyes she'd grown used to seeing in a mirror, the slight curl in his hair that she hadn't been able to tame down, a smirk growing on his face as he took her in. "It's going to be a little weird between us, for a bit, isn't it?"

She blushed, the heat rising to her cheeks as she looked down between them before snapping her face back up, worrying her lip between her teeth as she let out a shaky laugh. "It doesn't have to," she said quietly, though she retracted her arms from around him even as his grip on her waist tightened, and her mind immediately went to when they had been her hands, wandering around his body and exploring it more than she probably should have, discovering weak spots she shouldn't know about, and she gulped when she felt his fingers slip under the hem of her teeshirt, sure he was picturing the same. "It's not like we had much of a choice in the things we did, we weren't exactly under normal circumstances."

"Still," Blaine said, his voice going even quieter and Rachel had to fight off a small dose of panic as his hands moved farther up her back, palms warm and she wondered if he would be able to tell, now, the effect that he had on her even with the simplest of touches. "There's a lot we learned about each other that the other might not want to have known."

"We can just forget all that," she lied, not knowing if she really wanted to believe it or not. Because she knew the look in his eyes, had seen it in the mirror before she took a shower to work out the erection she had woken up with every morning, had seen it reflected in Kurt's eyes when she allowed him to move further than she'd have preferred, lost in thoughts of what it'd be like for her to be in Kurt's position. And now she had the chance, if she went for it, if she allowed herself to give in.

"What if I don't want to?" Blaine questioned, tilting his head slightly, and she could feel her lips part with hesitation, not knowing what to tell him.

"We can't," she finally breathed, though her resistance against him was weak as it was-she'd spent too long in his body, she tried to reason, but she knew it went farther than that, that her fantasies of him and her together had started long before she had to be him.

"Why not? Rach, we both-fuck, we're both single now, and maybe it's too soon, and maybe with everything that just happened-maybe it was supposed to happen like this," he said, his tongue darting out to lick his lips and he closed in on her, his breath tickling the skin of her throat as he teased it all the way to her ear, not touching her but close enough to cause her entire body to tense up. "I know you want this, Rachel. I know that you've wanted it for awhile-and I know that you know that I've wanted it too."

"Our emotions are just running high," she tried to explain away, keeping her head turned away from him even if her eyes closed as his teeth closed in on the lobe of her ear. "We've gone through one of the most emotionally confusing times in our life that we have no one else to talk to about," she continued, ignoring how his hands moved even higher, dragging the fabric of the shirt with him, "and we should probably just stop."

"What if I don't?" he pressed, pulling away just enough to look her in the eyes, "what if I'm tired of hiding behind Kurt and Finn and using the play as an excuse to get to touch and kiss you and now we're in our bodies and why, Rachel, why should we still deny this?"

She couldn't come up with an answer, not with his fingers still pressed into her back and his face mere inches from her own. She didn't think she could figure out an answer even if he had been across the room, across town, across the state and as that realization washed over her more than anything, she simply lifted her face up to meet his, the kiss hesitant and slow before he met her halfway and poured himself into it.

Every touch seemed to set her skin on fire, her clothes disappearing as quickly as his own as they found their way back onto her bed, his tongue moving across her neck, her breasts, her stomach, lower; her hands wound in his hair and the sheets beneath her as she cried out his name before his mouth met her own again. "You have no idea how good it feels to hear your voice say my name," he breathed into her mouth, Rachel only groaning in response before she pushed him over, straddling his lap before sinking on top of him.

She didn't know if it was the month they'd spent in the others bodies, or if it was just them in general, but she didn't seem to care as they moved in sync with one another, his hands on her hips as hers rested on his chest as she raised and lowered herself on top of him. It was nothing like she'd experienced before, Blaine responding to her moves with ease and grace and perfection that she could only meet in response.

And when they laid together afterwards, basking in the bliss and simply touching one another in a way they should have been tired of after having done so for so long without a choice, she realized that she was happier in that moment than she had been in a long time. They had Kurt and Finn to deal with, and figuring out themselves once more, but they weren't going to allow the other to go through it alone. As Blaine pulled her blanket over them, her soft sigh as his fingers wound around her hip to pull her closer to him so he could breathe her in completely, she whispered the words she didn't know she had been fighting for so long.

"I love you."


End file.
